This has been an overwhelming year of emotions for many of my friends. Since May of 2012 six of my friends and acquaintances lost their spouses; Judy lost Don, Rhonda lost Dick, Doug lost Judy, Karen lost Jim, Jack lost Pam and Nancy lost Dee. My friends, John and Kathy lost their sweet daughter. Sharla and David two daughters died in one tragic car accident.
My son referring to Sharla and David’s loss said to me, “I feel so bad for them Mom. I just don’t know what to say to comfort them.” My response to him was, “ Say nothing. Just hug them. Sometimes holding someone silently in his or her sorrow is more comforting than any words you can speak.”
All of these families are struggling to cope. Dealing with the raw pain is so very difficult. Although I have walked sorrow’s road I cannot honestly say that I totally know the extent or depth of their heartache. Grief is such a personal thing.
Michael’s mother, Wanda gave me a book after my husband died. Don’t Take My Grief Away by Doug Manning is an excellent book that speaks of dealing with grief. No one likes pain. Grieving is painful. It is human nature to try to avoid that painful process. However we must take the time and feel the pain in order to heal. Every individual’s timetable for healing is unique.
In his book Doug Manning states, ‘Grieving is the natural way of working through the loss of a love. Grieving is not weakness nor absence of faith. Grieving is as natural as crying when you hurt, sleeping when you are tired or sneezing when your nose itches. It is nature’s way of healing a broken heart. Grief is not an enemy-it is a friend. It is the natural process of walking through the hurt and growing because of the walk. Let it happen.’
A cut hurts. It forms a scab in order to heal. Eventually it falls off but it leaves a scar. A reminder you have been injured. Losing someone you love is similar to that.
People mourn the loss of a loved one in death and others because of divorce. In order to heal and move forward they must feel the pain. The hole in their heart will be there but the anguish will not always be as raw or as deep as it is today. A scar fades with time. Time also has a way of softening a broken heart. Sometimes the best thing we can do for someone who is mourning a loss is to allow him or her the time to heal.