My losses


My friends, Drew and Debra gave me a cancer devotional book. I read from it each day. Today’s tip: Visualize your body being renewed by God as cancer strips away some of your physical attributes.

I looked at my body thinking of my own losses. Starting at my feet; I have neuropathy and blood is beginning to pool under the nails of my feet indicating I will lose my toenails. My eyes traveled upwards. I have lymphedema. Therefore I experience swelling in those areas and mild pain. I moved to my chest.  The breast area is filled with horrendous scars and a deep cavity. I looked at my face. My cheeks are quite round from medication and my skin has discolored; brown patches splotch my face and head. Of course the loss of my hair is prominent. Although the hair is gone from the rest of my body I smile thinking, “I did get to keep my eyebrows and some of my eyelashes.” I look down at my hands and see the pools of blood under my fingernails. Again it indicates they will fall off. I visualized the cancer leaving my body through all of the physical losses I was experiencing.  I thought about God renewing in me all that cancer was stripping away. Cancer may take some things from me but it cannot take away my faith or love. Cancer is not bigger than God. I whisper a prayer of thanks.

4 responses »

  1. “You can’t have the good without the bad” I’ve always disliked the saying but it’s true with everything we go through. It’s “the balance” of life. You had to take allot of bad Nicki to balance out, but the good is obvious – the cancer is indeed being stripped – it cannot win. Hang in there – a manicure is in near sight!!
    Love you and thinking of you each day!

  2. Nikki:

    I think of you often especially as I read your blog..I wish there was something I could do take all the pain away.. God is GREAT and he will help you through all this. Keep faith and know that I think of you often as I battle my sadness from the loss of Dick..Oh you know how terrible that is..I hope that when I get my strength to venture out you will feel like talking…GOD BLESS YOU..AND ALWAYS KNOW I AM PRAYING FOR YOU…

  3. AMEN to that!!! Cancer is not bigger than God. Your faith is growing and His strength is strongest in our weakness. Prayers and love to you and for you daily!

  4. I think of you everyday and send you and your family my prayers. You are an amazing woman who inspires me. You are strong, beautiful and brilliant. You have kept your faith and love for god and family through all of the pain that you suffer and that inspires me. I know you will continue to grow stronger and kick this cancer’s behind. I can’t wait until you feel better and we can go to lunch. I miss you and your wonderful smile. Lots of love, prayers and hugs to you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s