When Lolly and I were first married, he complained about my driving. As much as this wife hates to admit when her husband is correct; Iwill. I am not a great driver. I can barely see over the steering wheel. Lolly would not let me drive the farm trucks because I wasn’t tall enough to engage the clutch without hunkering down low in the seat. From that vantage point you can’t see over the steering wheel. It never bothered me much as I really hate (Maxton says that is a dirty word) really dislike driving. Paige tells me that I barely meet the requirement of “not” needing a booster seat. We laugh. My husband always drove. I preferred to be the passenger. However, the last few years of his life the roles were reversed. The poor man had to go everywhere with me as his chauffeur. I know that I frightened him at times and he was quick to express that. However, when I drove he held my right hand is his left. For a long time after he passed away, I would fling my hand over the console expecting it to be held. Years went by before I quit expecting that but I missed his physical touch of holding my hand. Oddly enough since the discovery of my cancer I have once again desired my hand to be held.
Recently several different friends have sent me this scripture; “For I am the Lord, your God who takes hold of your RIGHT HAND and says to you, do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13
This verse in my own Bible was highlighted years ago. It was quoted in the devotional book that Paige gave me at Christmas. Again in another book Drew and Debra gave me and I re-read that same scripture again today in a book Debbie and Jeni gave to me. I am hearing impaired but I am also slow to grasp certain concepts about God sometimes. Cancer is as much as emotional disease as it is a physical one. Fear is one thing every person diagnosed with cancer experiences at one time or another and it resurfaces often. Today however, it is finally sinking in and I am getting it; I need not fear. I am not alone and my right hand is being held again. Thankfully, God repeats and repeats and repeats again until I get it.