I did not have chemo last week so I am back at the office working 12-5 p.m. this week. Although physically exhausted, I am mentally encouraged at the end of each work day. Once home I do not sit down until I have fixed myself something to eat knowing I may fall asleep and fail to eat on time if I sit first. I make a conscious effort to eat every few hours although I really don’t feel hunger. Physically, I feel stronger but that is due in part to not having chemo last Friday. Knowing this makes me appreciate every good day.
I have more questions these days than I have answers for and I find my prayer time with God is changing. I am ashamed to admit; before cancer most of my prayers were filled with requests instead of praise or thanksgiving. Although I had requests today: healing for Pam and Jack, Jeanne, Ron and I comfort for Judy in her grief that I will be able to have the chemo treatment on Friday I also noted that my list of thanksgiving was longer than normal.
I thanked God for: this new day the sunshine streaming through my dirty windows for Lynn coming to spray for insects for Max coming to wash my windows for my grandchildren and my family for God holding my hand during the dark times in my life for things that I don’t have the answers for but will someday understand yes, I even thanked Him for this disease; confessing that my heart and head were not in sync over the cancer that is cruising through my body I prayed: when I emerge on the other side of this battle ground, I will be a stronger, more appreciative woman than I was before that I won’t be ashamed to proclaim where my strength comes from that I will be more compassionate with others that God will teach me what I need to learn during this illness
I finished my prayer time, read my devotional and prepared myself to greet the new day. It is a good day!