Aside

I awake at 4 a.m. again. Fearing what is left of the hair upon my head, I choose not to lie in bed until 5 a.m. I arise to look in the mirror. My hair was totally flat but otherwise not too bad. I think, “If people did not know me, it would just appear as thin hair.”Truly, I still have more hair on my head than most people. However, I know after this next round of chemo that will no longer be true. The night before I turn off the bedroom light and crawl inside my bed. In the darkness, I did not like the silence. I reach over, hit the snooze button for music to play a short while and lull me into sleep. I only listen to one radio station, KTSY in my car and my home. The station plays contemporary Christian music and keeps my mind focused on what is good. I have listened to this station for many, many years. I have a hard time listening to the lyrics of other types of music. A song called Blessings by Laura Story began to play and I am comforted.

Blessings

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we have faith to believe

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It’s not our home

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

I think, “Yes what if?”

What if?

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