I am concerned that I have offended some when I said my original blog was intended for my family. I hope that I am wrong. I want to share and I know others (besides family) want to walk this journey with me. If they want to walk this road along side of me then they must share in the emotions as well. I willingly give my blog address to anyone who wants it. If someone can be blessed by reading the emotional roller coaster this disease can cause then let it go viral. Well, perhaps not viral! Smiling here. I do believe in that old saying, “Behind each cloud is a silver lining.” I sometimes just fail to look for it. I have always told my children, “Life can make you bitter or better. The only difference is the letter “i.” I, me, myself; I am the only one who can choose to make that difference. I have used that phrase so many times. I jokingly suspect; my children may engrave “Mom chose BETTER” on my head stone. If that should happen I would know my only two real desires in life; being a good wife and mother had been achieved.
I end this work week pooped. I could only muster working part days. Physically I feel exhausted but mentally it was good for me to back at my desk amongst my co-workers. Several gather in the front office to visit with me about my treatment and I feel guilty when I realize how long I visit with them before logging on to my computer. As my co-workers wish me well on the next treatment I share my secret desire; to take a trip to the east coast in September to see the fall colors. Months before my cancer was diagnosed my good friends, Al and Diane gave me an all expense paid trip to tour the east coast in September. All I need to supply is spending money. I’ve never had anyone be so extremely generous and I am more than overwhelmed. Diane is the sister of my dear friend, Kathy. Kathy worked for Lolly and I before her husband was transferred to the Sun Valley area where they currently reside. I absolutely love Diane and Kathy. I always introduce myself at their family functions as a “Geisler wannabe.” The only way I can complete this trip is; every chemo treatment scheduled must stay on track, no deviations.
I visit later in the day with my financial advisor, chat with my accountant and my spirits are buoyed by both.
I come home, change my clothes. Brittle hair clings to my clothing like cheat grass does to socks. I listen to a message from another dear friend, Vicki. Like many others she too is overly generous. The message was, “I am coming over to bring you something. If you are not up to company, I will hang it on the door.” I smile. She has not listened to my chastising of “No gifts except your friendship!” She brings me several different types of head coverings knowing; at this time I choose not to wear a wig. She dabs the corners of her eyes crying because her big girl panties are too tight and they are just squeezing the tears of out her. Again, she blesses me.
Round two of chemo is tomorrow and I am digging for courage once again. I know both my church families in Parma and Eagle are bathing me in prayer as well as many, many others. It comforts me. My other daughter, Kristy will take me to round two and I will be with Paige after treatment. The exclusive melt down I had earlier fled and I feel blessed. I end the day thinking, “Half empty or half full?” I say out loud, “Definitely, HALF FULL!”