Half full

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I am concerned that I have offended some when I said my original blog was intended for my family. I hope that I am wrong. I want to share and I know others (besides family) want to walk this journey with me. If they want to walk this road along side of me then they must share in the emotions as well. I willingly give my blog address to anyone who wants it. If someone can be blessed by reading the emotional roller coaster this disease can cause then let it go viral. Well, perhaps not viral!  Smiling here. I do believe in that old saying, “Behind each cloud is a silver lining.” I sometimes just fail to look for it. I have always told my children, “Life can make you bitter or better. The only difference is the letter “i.” I, me, myself; I am the only one who can choose to make that difference. I have used that phrase so many times. I jokingly suspect; my children may engrave “Mom chose BETTER” on my head stone. If that should happen I would know my only two real desires in life; being a good wife and mother had been achieved.

I end this work week pooped. I could only muster working part days. Physically I feel exhausted but mentally it was good for me to back at my desk amongst my co-workers. Several gather in the front office to visit with me about my treatment and I feel guilty when I realize how long I visit with them before logging on to my computer. As my co-workers wish me well on the next treatment I share my secret desire; to take a trip to the east coast in September to see the fall colors. Months before my cancer was diagnosed my good friends, Al and Diane gave me an all expense paid trip to tour the east coast in September. All I need to supply is spending money. I’ve never had anyone be so extremely generous and I am more than overwhelmed. Diane is the sister of my dear friend, Kathy. Kathy worked for Lolly and I before her husband was transferred to the Sun Valley area where they currently reside. I absolutely love Diane and Kathy. I always introduce myself at their family functions as a “Geisler wannabe.” The only way I can complete this trip is; every chemo treatment scheduled must stay on track, no deviations.

I visit later in the day with my financial advisor, chat with my accountant and my spirits are buoyed by both.

I come home, change my clothes. Brittle hair clings to my clothing like cheat grass does to socks. I listen to a message from another dear friend, Vicki.  Like many others she too is overly generous. The message was, “I am coming over to bring you something. If you are not up to company, I will hang it on the door.” I smile. She has not listened to my chastising of “No gifts except your friendship!” She brings me several different types of head coverings knowing; at this time I choose not to wear a wig. She dabs the corners of her eyes crying because her big girl panties are too tight and they are just squeezing the tears of out her. Again, she blesses me.

Round two of chemo is tomorrow and I am digging for courage once again. I know both my church families in Parma and Eagle are bathing me in prayer as well as many, many others. It comforts me. My other daughter, Kristy will take me to round two and I will be with Paige after treatment. The exclusive melt down I had earlier fled and I feel blessed. I end the day thinking, “Half empty or half full?” I say out loud, “Definitely, HALF FULL!”

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8 responses »

  1. You are definetely a part of the Giesler family!!! We love you very much and will be sending happy thoughts and prayers your way for your next round of chemo. Hopefully in the fall you girls will be on your trip with much laughter and memories to make.

  2. You WILL see the beautiful colors of fall in the east and you WILL be feeling good! You will savor the beauty and the excitement of the adventure more than ever before. Look at tomorrow and each 3rd Friday as a step closer to that adventure! On my mind and in my heart always. Love, M

  3. Hi Auntie Nicki, We are praying for you often. We read your posts and do the best we can to reply just as often. You bet we are with you every step of the way during your journey. And we will pray for your chemo tx tomorrow as well. You have very generous friends who love you deeply Auntie Nicki. I’m glad their giving have been an encouragement and support to you. And we’re glad that family is there for you taking you to appointments and helping you in many other ways. I came across a verse that has become very important to me recently. I will share it with you…

    2 Thessalonians 1:11 “With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of His calling, and that by His power He may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith.”

    Auntie NIcki, God does count you worthy of His calling. Before you were diagnosed with breast cancer, He was preparing your all along to run this race. You have chosen to make every aspect in your life better by obeying God. You are prepared to do this because He has given you all that you need. Anything that happens to you is by His power only. HIs plans will not be thwarted. There is no other God.

    Do you have a CD player? I have a CD that I highly recommend and it’s called “Every Fallen Tear” by Matt Hammit. He and his wife have a baby with a heart defect and don’t know how long he will live. Their son is about 1-2 years old now. But they too went through an emotional roller coaster. All the songs written in this CD are about their journey. It’s full of God’s hope, their feelings, their struggles and God’ promises. God uses these songs to remind you how big of a God He truly is and you just respond in worship to Him. If you are interested, let me send it to you or if you want it sooner, you have the title.

    I love you more than chocolate chip cookies and milk Auntie Nicki,
    Betsy Gee (from San Jose, CA)

  4. OMG! Don’t tell Dad you’re not a Giesler, I am sure you are his favorite! We will continue to think only positive that your chemo treatments stay on track so as September arrives Dianne, Glenda, (i still haven’t given up on her), you and I will be East Coast bound and wonder at the beauty of the colors of Fall. Another check off our “bucket list”! Today you will be in the prayers of all, including the Giesler family that another chemo treatment will be successful and behind you. xoxo

  5. An amazing woman you are! You are in my thoughts and prayers today and always. I just know that this will go swimmingly well for you and you will see the glorious colors this fall on your trip. Love and prayers to your and your family.

  6. Yeah, don’t let Glenn know you’re not a Giesler…he thinks you’re the only one he raised right!! Just kidding Kathy…don’t smack me up the side of the head the next time I see you!!

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